REPATTERNED
How to Transform Your Conflict Defaults and Reclaim Your LIfe
We don't choose our conflicts.
We repeat them.
Until we change the pattern.
This book helps you interrupt emotional autopilot, find your voice in hard moments, and choose a different response — whether the hard moment is happening in a custody negotiation, a performance review, or a conversation with someone you love.
Available at most major retailers.
Meet the author
I wrote this book between school drop-offs, coaching sessions, and my own moments of failure.
My background is a blend of the scientific and the soul. I hold a graduate degree in conflict resolution and have spent nearly twenty years climbing corporate ladders at companies like Google and Intuit.
But my real education came from the trenches of divorce, co-parenting, blended families, and learning that "keeping the peace" is often just a fancy name for self-betrayal.
I’m a conflict resolution coach, a student of my own patterns, and a believer that we can all learn to stay present, even when the heat rises.
Exhale–Explore–Engage®
We think we're reacting to the moment. Usually, we're reacting to a script written decades ago. That script doesn't check whether you're in a mediation session, a team meeting, or a conversation with your co-parent before it fires. It just fires.
I wrote Repatterned because I lived in that snarl. I froze in conflicts. I appeased to stay safe and over-functioned until I was exhausted. It happened at home and it happened in boardrooms, and the pattern underneath was identical in both places.
This book will give you a three-step framework, called Exhale–Explore–Engage®, that will help you notice the impulse, trace the pattern, and choose a response that doesn't require abandoning yourself — regardless of who's across the table.
Repatterned app
It’s easy to be "zen" when you’re reading a book on your couch. It’s much harder when you’re flooded with adrenaline in the middle of a fight.
I built the Repatterned app to provide support right there, when you need it most, in the heat of the moment.
Exhale: Guided audio and visualization to ground you and help you pause when you want to flee.
Explore: Prompts that will help you notice the patterns formed by your conditioning and what is behind them.
Engage: Directions for flipping the dynamic and finding a way to move forward in full alignment with your truth.
Repatterned Prompt Deck
The Repatterned Prompt Deck is 60 reflection cards built around the Exhale–Explore–Engage® method. Each card holds one question designed to slow you down, surface the pattern underneath your reaction, and help you choose a response that doesn't require abandoning yourself in the process.
Use them alone, with a therapist, with a co-parent, or with anyone you're trying to show up differently for.
.png)
Change how you respond in conflict
More choice when emotions run high
Whether you're flooded in a difficult conversation with a colleague, a co-parent, or a partner, the pattern underneath is the same. Pause before reacting, understand what's happening in your body, and choose a response that fits the moment.
A practical framework for real moments
Not just relationship conflicts. The Exhale–Explore–Engage® framework was built for any high-stakes interaction — team misalignment, leadership friction, personal ruptures — where your default response isn't serving you.
Your voice, without escalation or shutdown
Express what matters without exploding, withdrawing, or abandoning yourself. In any room. With any person.
What readers say
“This book helped me notice what’s happening in my body before I say something I regret. That pause alone has changed how I handle hard conversations.”— Jordan S.
“I’ve read a lot about conflict and communication. This was one of the first books that made sense in the moment, not just after the fact.”
— Olivia J.
“I didn’t realize how automatic my reactions were until I started paying attention to the way this book suggests. It feels practical, not preachy.”— Aisha R.
When we meet hard moments with a pause, we open up space for clarity instead of panic.
"Repatterned" by Masha Rusanov
Join the conversation
Subscribe to my newsletter to receive updates about the Repatterned book and to stay in-touch!